Previously, I wrote a post called "Questions I Am Sick of Answering About Being Adopted" which covered an variety of comments I hear on a regular basis, that just irk my last nerve. Today, I wanted to focus on another set of common questions and statements I get that simply are not true. How do I know? Because I said so.
No, but really. Most of these are easily debunked by a simple search on free www.google.com or by asking pretty much anyone on earth with half a brain. So here are some myths I hear all the time about being adopted.
People Adopted As Babies Have It Easier
Uhh...do we? I must of missed that memo. Someone please let me know how that works because my life sure hasn't been a walk in the park just because I was adopted as a newborn. Let me know where to sign up to make that happen. The crazy thing is that I hear this from other adoptees more than anyone. The logic is "well you were a baby so you don't remember anything". K...first off, that isn't how memory works. Secondly even if it was, that doesn't mean we don't have the same issues you do as far as identity, questions, abandonment, not connecting with our families etc. There are plenty of scientific articles out there that discuss the mental distress adoptees face. I understand that if you're adopted further into your life, you have a different set of experiences being taken from a family you actually remember, but that doesn't mean your struggle is worse or more valid than mine. This ain't the Oppression Olympics. We're all fucked up out here, so save it.
We All Want To Reconnect With Our Birth Families
The answer is just a resounding "No". I personally, have reconnected with my birth family now as an adult, but it was not an easy decision to make. I am lucky one that I do not have a bad history in relation to my family. I was put up for adoption due to the fact that my birth mother simply could not care for me, she was homeless and already had a child. However, the reality is not all of us come from loving families who just had a shitty hand dealt. I have met so many adoptees who come from abusive homes, parents who were on drugs while pregnant with them, people who don't have families because they're dead, people who's families abandoned them and many other horrific situations. I don't say all that to try and cast a bad light on those who choose to put up kids for adoption, but to highlight the reality that we don't all have good relationships with our birth families, so not everyone wants to reconnect with them.
We're All "Troubled" Kids
Honestly, if you believe this, you might as proceed to the nearest cliff and getting a running start, because what the fuck? We're not all "troubled" or "problem kids". What does that even mean? Yeah, we're all dealing with shit, but can you blame us? Also what is wrong with having issues to work through? We all got problems and troubles. Additionally, we ain't the ones out here blowing up churches and shooting up schools, those are YOUR biological ass kids, so maybe you should focus on getting your own DNA spawns under control and leave us alone.
We Don't Like/Love Our Adoptive Families
Just because we are open about difficulties we face in our families, does not mean we don't like or love them. I get comments like this all the time, "you are bitter", "you sound like you hate your family". Do I? If hate sounds like me, I don't know what you call actual hate like oh I don't know, lynching people or killing them while they sleep. I think I've always been pretty open about the fact that my family is everything to me, but like everyone else, we ain't perfect. We don't have to keep imperfections hush hush. and I'm not going to. Now, granted there are adoptees who absolutely hate their adoptive parents, but to be fair, they usually have a reason. Sadly, there are a lot of abusive adoptive parents, and I don't know about you, but being abused by your parents is a pretty valid reason to not like them. But what do I know.
We Should Be Thankful
No. Absolutely not. Save your "well you should be thankful you have a family" comments for Satan when you arrive in hell. Like nah, fam. Adoptees do not have any control over this process. We are just out here minding our own business being plucked from one family and dropped into the next. Some of us go through multiple families. Foster kids may never even get a real family. We didn't ask for this life, we didn't ask to be put up for adoption, we didn't ask for your high and mighty ass to adopt us. We don't need to be "thankful" like we're a charity case. That doesn't mean that most of us aren't, already thankful, but don't put it on us to be in gratuitous debt to our parents. We don't need to be out here washing your feet and giving praise to a shrine of our parents just because they adopted us. You don't tell biological kids to be "grateful" they were the sperm that was allowed to roam free do you? No, you don't. So leave us adopted kids alone, treat us with the same respect.