A Black Adoptee's Response to David French's "America Soured on My Multiracial Family"
If you haven't already read the article written by David French "America Soured on My Multiracial Family", published for The Atlantic—please go read that first, grab some popcorn, and come on back on over here, because boy do I have some stuff to say.
David—you almost had me in the opening paragraph, I nodded my head and thought, well this is all true. Adoptive families are majority white and adoptees are majority people of color, so naturally, people adopting are more than likely going to end up with a child of color. That's just reality. However, that is where my positive feedback stops. Immediately after, in the following paragraph, you showed your true white savior, colors.
You talk about how America's obsession with race is the "challenge" of adopting. How? It's only a challenge if you're a racist. Also what "obsession", are you denying race and racism exist? Wanting equal human rights isn't an obsession. You talk about it like it's a nuisance in your life. I'm sorry you can't be bothered to care about racism, but today, my black, transracially adopted ass, is going to be the challenge for you.
The next paragraph almost made me stop reading completely. You quote two Bible verses, one from the Book of Galatians, and one from Book of James, as your reasons for adopting. So let's just stop right here. Your reason for adopting is the bible? Not that you have a genuine desire to raise and provide a loving home for a child, but because God told you so? Okay. You know, I also come from an evangelical Christian family, but even they would not be as ignorant to use God as justification for adopting. They actually cared about the kids they adopted, as individual people. I'm not even surprised though, so many of those majority white families who adopt, are bible thumping, self-serving people who just adopt to please Jesus. Y'all feel "called" by whatever spirit you think is speaking to you. You think that adopting, or in your mind saving a struggling black baby, will secure them a spot in heaven. Why don't you ever keep this same energy for white kids? God don't like ugly.
You continue on to explain y'alls journey to pick up your charity case in Ethiopia, and in the process, break the number one rule of adoption—don't share adoptees stories. Not only do you severely overshare about your daughter's backstory, but you bash her biological family in the process, no doubt to make yourself feel better about adopting.
"Her unwed mother"
"Barely able to eke out a living"
—when Naomi gets placed with an agency of white people, all the sudden its "loving".
This whole description reeks of classism, white privilege, bigotry and a dose of good ol' fashion, 'christians thinking their better than everyone else'. What was the purpose of throwing in "unwed" besides to shame her bio mother? There isn't one. You look down on a black woman, because she didn't follow your shit christian values? When in reality you don't have any idea what her situation is, and guess what bruh, women don't need to be fucking married to have children. This isn't the 1400s anymore. Men don't own women, we can do and fuck who the hell we want.
Those "christian" values you love some much, are the same ones y'all used to travel the world, rape people, like her bio mother, murder and force others into believing...but yall never want to acknowledge the horrid things christians have done in the name of God. You should have just called her a whore and gotten your real feelings out. Shaming poor people for being poor? Classy. Blaming poor families for starving and not being able to properly care for their families. Do you think poor people want to starve? Do you think poor people enjoy watching their kids go hungry? Do you think biological families are just prancing to adoption agencies to throw their kids into the first white arms they can find? Your whole narrative is ignorant of the real issues and situations that biological families deal with. You are not the only person involved in the adoption process.
You go on to talk about how you and your wife tell your daughter about her backstory, in a fucking pizza parlor. Why the fuck would you tell such a personal and traumatic story like that to any child in a public setting? What kind of ill-prepared, self-serving maniacs are y'all? Seriously, why did you think a public place was the right place or time to have that discussion? Did you think she was just going to shrug her shoulders and go back to eating pizza like nothing happened? Of course, she going to be traumatized and emotional as hell, you weirdos.
Moving on through this article, You go on to complain about how hard it is to have this discussion, how your daughter, Naomi, faces challenges with bonding and development. You know...normal stuff that literally every adoptee deals with. Which Y'all would have known had you bothered to actually educate yourselves with books and facts for 30 seconds, instead of just reading a Bible verse.
I get to this point and I'm still wondering when the hell the discussion of race or multicultural families is going to happen. Especially as you called them a "consequence" in your opening. Up till this point, all we've had is a white man complaining about adoption not being easier for him. Finally, in the next paragraph, you bring up race. You call it a "disturbing reality".
Again, had y'all bothered to educate yourself, this wouldn't be a shock to you. Transracial adoptive parents HAVE and DO abuse and even kill their adoptees of color. I've read at least 5 stories, this year alone about white adoptive parents killing their black kids. This isn't new. Not to mention the suicide rates of adoptees being FOUR TIMES higher than non adopted children, or that little issue of 500+ years of racism that exist in this country alone. I don't know how you can live in America and still be shocked that racism exists. Furthermore, pretend like we, as people of color, don't have a legitimate reason to be looking at white people who adopt people of color, sideways. This entire article is reason enough.
Your narrative then completely leaves Naomi behind and drones on about how hard it is for you and your wife to deal with the looks, tweets, and criticism. Well, you can add my criticism to the pile because from what you have presented here, you are not equipped to raise any child of color. You also go on to say that your family is a "special case" because of your a writer and in the public eye, but no...not really. My family is the most boring, off the grid family, and they still dealt with the same shit. Every white adoptive parent has dealt with this, Y'all are not special as special as you think you are.
Wondering when this article is going to end, I keep reading and get to my favorite part where you are complaining that people lecture you on your inability to meet the needs of his child of color. The fact you call it "lecturing" and then in the next sentence, equate it to hate is very telling of how much you don't care. So people informing you that your child is black and needs to certain support and experiences the world different than you is "hate"? It matters so little to you that you call it a lecture? You realize that just because you don't want to acknowledge racism exists, doesn't mean it's not there? You realize that as you are writing this long-winded, complaint, your daughter is dealing with racism right now?
Naomi is black, she is always going to be black, she is going to deal with racism and ignorance for the rest of her black life. You ignoring that, make you part of the problem. You so proudly stated with your whole chest that you are publically against Trump and people hated you for it, but yet you're over here ignoring and complaining about racism which makes you just the same as Trump and his supporters. While you're over here complaining about people giving you looks and having to keep adoption receipts so you can get your free $12,000 back from the government, black girls are getting our throats slashed on trains. That girl who got her throat sliced, could be Naomi, it could be me. Literally any day, any time, simply because we are black women, and we are the most hated group of people on the planet. So think about that next time you want to type out the world's longest white lie. Think about how you are okay with knowing your black daughter could be killed at any moment and her killer would not only walk free, but rewarded for it. Your biggest priority as a white adoptive parent, is people being nice to you...not the wellbeing, and life of your black child. Ok sis.
You and every other white adoptive parent need to top "weeping" for her precious soul and grow the fuck up. Stop weeping and FIGHT for your black child, for all the black people in this country. Your daughter isn't a fragile white woman, she's black and that makes you uncomfortable. You should examine why. You should have just titled this article "I adopted a black baby, so why isn't anyone praising me", because that is all you're looking for here. You're looking for brownie points for being a "good white" and saving a black baby from her unwed, poor mother when in reality, you are more dangerous to her life than her biological family could ever be.
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