Why Do So Many Transracial Adoptees End Up With White Spouses?

As I have started to connect more with non-relative transracial adoptees in my adulthood, I have begun to notice a commonality among all of them, their partners are always white. Now obviously, I don't mean every TRA on the planet has a white partner, but save two or three, every single one I have ever met or heard about, is dating or married to a white person. I began to question why this was.

Now, I don't have a problem with dating white people and there's nothing really good or bad about this, but you have to admit, it is strange. A vast majority of people of color being raised in white homes are ending up with white people, it makes you wonder why.  It is particularly puzzling to me because I would think being raised in whiteness your whole life would lead you to find your own people. At least that was my experience. I wanted to know more about and be immersed in my black community and culture. The thought of having to spend the rest of my life explaining everything about being black to a white spouse is exhausting to me.

However, I perused various adoption Facebook groups and I saw many adoptees sharing the opposite experience. Expressing how they actually felt alienated by their own race, which, I also understand to an extent. I've discussed before how many TRAs are not accepted in our own racial groups due to being seen as not "authentic". 

I also looked at some of my own family members. If you're new to my blog, I have 14 TRAs in my family. I reflected on some of my own family members and also realized how many of them also, only date and even some only "like" white people. I have even heard some express distaste for their own race. Between this and hearing other adoptees talk about feeling alienated, I realized that there was one common link—whitewashing. Are adoptive parents whitewashing their own kids? 

If you think about it, it's not very surprising. Many WAPs are not versed in race or racism. Many don't even like to talk about it at all. I have had conversations with other TRAs who have shared that their parents have straight up told them that their race/culture doesn't matter or that "black people have no culture" and things of that nature. If, as a TRA you are being fed that message from your parents, you're being raised in a white family AND you're being told by society that you don't matter and your race is only associated with negative stereotypes, eventually, you're going to start to believe that. 

Like I said, there isn't necessarily anything wrong with this. It has just been something on my mind lately. But it's something to think about and examine what type of message is being passed to adoptees. 


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