Sandra Bullock calls to end the phrase 'adopted child' but who is really using it?
From that small quote, this story has been making the rounds all over the place. Or maybe it's just because I follow a lot of adoption related blogs/groups but I've seen it everywhere.
Really only two things came to mind when I read this story. First —I don't even know why this is a story. I don't think most of us actual adoptees even care, we have far more important things to be worried about. I sure don't care, and most of the responses from adoptees seem to echo that feeling as well. Most every adoptive parent I have come in contact with does call their adoptive kids "my child" unless adoption is relevant to the conversation. Most people who have adopted kids, are around people who already know they have kids who are adopted so there's no point in mentioning the fact that they're adopted. I don't know of anyone who is just walking around like—
"Hello please meet my real kids and then my adopted one".
It just isn't happening frequently enough to really be an issue that warrants an entire news cycle.
The second thing that occurs to me is what exactly IS wrong with being adopted? Why is acknowledging that a child is adoptive is some horrible thing? I mean I hate to be the one to break it to Ms. Bullock and the rest of y'all angry about this, but...WE ARE ADOPTED, and we know it. I really think a lot of adoptive parents think us kids, don't know we're adopted. They think that by not mentioning the word "adopted" that they're somehow being sneaky and hiding it from us. I'm here to tell you, that you ain't. We know.
This feels similar to people who think ignoring racism solves racism. Similar in the sense that erasure and "treating everyone the same" is the best way to parent so no one feels left out. In reality, we should just embrace the fact that some of us are indeed adopted, and focus on normalizing that rather than alienating it. There's no reason to try and pretend like adopted children aren't adopted. We are adopted and we require different things because we are adopted, and that is okay. Especially with transracial adoptees, I don't know how you think you're going to avoid acknowledging the fact that one or more of your kids ain't the same color as the rest of your family. Can we just accept the fact that people are different and that it's okay?
Thanks in advance,